Our lives are easily lost in the hum-drum shuffle of everyday life. The most casualties occur, not in actual death, but when we march along mindlessly, unhappily, making ends meet and tying up loose ends; finishing this, and finishing that and just trying to make it to the weekend.
I Hope You Dance
Was my grandmother’s favorite song. I broke down in the shower thinking about her. Thinking about the way she surrounded me with love, the way I felt as a child. I like to think that I was her favorite. I was the first baby girl, she only had sons. She made me feel as if anything I wanted was possible because I was amazing and smart, talented and creative.
Experts are saying that us millennials and gen x’ers are getting too much of that superficial, ego-inflating confidence (not based in reality) from our parents and grandparents. If that’s true then why do I feel like sh*t? Why do I believe that the most basic things many people accomplish are beyond my grasp? I’m wondering now if I have enough support. Who is cheering in my corner, selflessly, to help guide my missteps?
The last good conversation I had with my grandmother was in 2009 (maybe 2008, can’t remember). I was self-loathing because a college graduate like myself couldn’t find work… couldn’t write… couldn’t pursue my dreams… and I called her up because I remembered feeling surrounded in her love and I knew she could provide that for me. Writing this now, I feel selfish, for calling her, looking to feel loved.
That’s why I broke down in the shower thinking about her. Right now I need to feel her love around me, cheering me on, telling me that I can do it, no matter the circumstance. That I will write that novel…
…if you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance…
I haven’t been dancing every day, and Mamo would love to see me dance, see me happy. She knew I was capable. I just have to tap into her everlasting love… she is a part of me, you know? She is in my DNA… the question is, how do I feel her?
I want to remember that song because it helps me remember what she’d hoped for me…
I hope you dance.