I can’t focus long enough to write 500 words

Never, I repeat, NEVER get out of the habit of writing. If you do writing becomes more difficult. As a grad student, I am a slave to word counts.

I used to write all the time in my diary for hours. Now, I can barely write a 500-word analyzation. I feel like I have nothing to say. Maybe none of these texts made an impression on me. I read them earlier today and can remember very little, even though I was laughing my butt off. Maybe I should talk about that in my little homework assignment. Five hundred words is nothing, yet here I am stuck at 137!

A girl in my class says she writes thousands of words a day. How on earth does someone have time for that? I guess it may not be as important to me. I’m starting to question why I am in the program.

It’s not that I’m not interested. I just need focus. I spent a lot of time sleeping and relaxing today (and thinking about how I should be doing homework). I was supposed to do all my homework in 4 hours. Two before lunch and two after. With an hour in the middle of course. I couldn’t even handle the first hour without getting sleepy. Maybe I need to start drinking coffee or something. I can’t let sleepiness interfere with my work.

I need a plan or else I’m going to fail at my goals. A friend of mine suggested I come up with a business plan for this freelancing/writing thing. I see how that can be helpful. I feel like a hodge podgey mess right now. I can’t figure out if it’s my lack of socialization with others, and lack of activities outside of the house which is making me crazy. I mean, that could be the source of the problem. I’m just so bored out of my mind. Right now I have very little balance between fun and, well, not fun. My life right now is mostly not fun. Work, school, homework, bus travel. I try to work out, but unfortunately, that is categorized in the “not fun” category.

I think having a car will give me the freedom to do some of the things I can’t do without it consuming nearly the entirety of my day. Even going to church would be fun. Its something I’ve wanted to do consistently for a long time, but my church would take 1.5 or more hours to get to on the bus.

Another thing I’m really starting to get into is music. I started learning how to play guitar. I love music! I always have. I think being able to participate in some musical venture would add a lot of fulfillment to my life. Especially singing.

I think I don’t have that much to write about. That sitting in my house all day because it’s rainy, doesn’t yield much material. And sometimes, I can be so anti-social. Writers, in general, can be shy, and anti-social. It’s funny, I met Brad Meltzer, when he came to my store where I work to sign his new book. I wasn’t introduced really. But I rang up his transaction. He was just a normal guy. Not particularly chatty or anything. And I think many writers can be like that. Even in my program, we aren’t necessarily a chatty bunch.

I’m chatty, but I’m also very shy and introverted. It’s hard to put myself out there where people can reject me. And further, I’m kinda dependent on others to get around to social gatherings. But hopefully, soon, my transportation issues won’t be an obstacle anymore.

(see look at that: 500+ words in less than thirty minutes. why can’t I crank it out like that in my school papers?)